Thursday, April 23, 2009

Disneyland, Episode 1: What not to wear

As I strolled through the human zoos that are Disneyland and Magic Mountain, I was struck by some observations on what not to wear. I wish I could have gotten pictures, but I am a long way from my stalker days, and even if I were more current on my stalker skills, I don't have a long-range zoom on my camera, and it was too hot to wear black. You will have to do with the written word.

And thus, without further ado: What Not To Wear At Amusement Parks!

1. A (very) low-necked, royal blue, floor (dirty ground)-length gown.
2. A (very) low-necked spaghetti-strap tank top with no sunscreen.
3. High-heeled sandals with aforementioned tank top (I mean really, you are walking MILES all over the park!)
4. Tank top, miniskirt, and Ugs.
5. Ugs over your jeans.
6. In fact, there was a plague of Ugs. People! This is Southern California in April! It's like, 90 degrees! What are you WORRIED about?
7. Leggings (blue), with a crotch-skimming shirt. Look into pants, as the folks at the Fug Blog would say. Besides, it's not like she was a young, slender thing, if you get my drift.
8. Tattoo sleeves. Ugh. Just, Ugh.
9. Shorts that are too short and too small. And one leg rides up.

On the other hand, you should ABSOLUTELY wear:

1. Sunscreen
2. A baby
3. Hats, all types
4. Cargo pants! If you're a guy! I tell you, Zane had so many pockets THAT ZIPPED UP that he could carry anything on a ride! Cell phone! Wallet! 3-course Thanksgiving Dinner! Anything!
5. A Buzz Lightyear costume

Coming soon: Episode 2: Waterworld

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