Friday, October 26, 2012

Post-Baby Weight Loss

Right after Raiden was born, I lost 20 pounds. Then, for the next 3 1/2 months, I lost nothing. Zero. Not an ounce. Now, I know I just had a baby, but that baby is now five months old. Too long to be up 20 pounds from before I got pregnant with him and 25 from when I got pregnant with Sabrina. I reject being fat!

In my almost four months of pretending that this weight was just going to disappear, I've realized why so many fat people dress badly. It's because they don't want to buy jeans with that big number on them. "No," they tell themselves, "I'll be back in those pre-baby jeans soon. I'll just wear sweats until then. Where's the ice cream?" Apparently, this weight ain't gonna disappear that way this time.

Way back about 13 years ago, when I lived in Alabama, I ate lunch with about four women who, by the end of the year, were all on Weight Watchers. Because apparently people on Weight Watchers can only think and talk about food, I became very conversant in Weight Watchers' method. Here is is:

By some mysterious formula, you figure out how many "points" you get to eat every day. You then do some incomprehensible thing to assign the aforementioned "points" to food, making sure not to eat more than you are allowed. Got it?

Based on the internet (where everything you read is true), you get to eat about 25-30 points per day if you are me, because I am breastfeeding. Points for food are assigned thusly: 1 point per 50 calories, plus one point for 12 grams of fat, minus one point for 5 grams of fiber.

I know Weight Watchers' success is built mostly on meetings and stuff, but I think my brain just needed to say to my body, "You're eating how much of what?" My mom does this automatically. She sees a pound cake that is 800 calories a slice (this is a real number), and says, "Get behind me, spawn of Satan!" Apparently, I have to say, "Okay, 800 calories is (mumble mumble) SIXTEEN POINTS?! GET BEHIND ME, SPAWN OF SATAN!!!!" Once I have a budget I can do it, but otherwise I'm all, "800 calories? Whatevs." Which is why my 25 pounds have remained firmly attached to my thighs, apparently.

Now, I'm not getting all anorexic, because food, yum. And I'm not getting all bulimic, because, duh. But I am getting back in those pre-baby jeans, dangit!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Halloween Cookies

Back when I was a girl, we'd head over to the Larson household every pre-Halloween, where Dean, the dad of my best friend Maren, would have made homemade root beer with dry ice, sugar cookies galore, frosting, and have bought candy. We'd spend what felt like hours decorating the Halloween cookies. Ah, good times...

In the spirit of things, I thought I'd do the same for my kids. Now, they're too young to really get into it, so I decided not to invite friends over for another year or two. While Sasha napped, Sabrina and I made the sugar cookie dough. Then, when Sasha got up, we went to the store to get Halloween cookie cutters and candy.

Snag 1: no Halloween cookie cutters. Sold out yesterday. Fine. Juuuuuust fine. We therefore made vampire bunnies (Bunnicula), fat bats, fairies, and rotund spies. Because I DO have Easter bunnies and butterflies, and Christmas angels and snowmen. Don't laugh.

Snag 2: Sasha is too young. I frosted him one cookie, which he promptly took a bite out of despite my "Put candy on it!" speech. He then ate a ton of candy and licked the spoon of frosting.

Snag 3: Sabrina is too young. Oh, she can frost cookies and put 18,227 pieces of candy on each one, but after 6 cookies she was done. Done with a capital D. That left approximately 87,926 cookies left to decorate. I did a credible job with the first half, but the last 10 (that's a real number this time) got slathered in frosting and had random candy dumped on them. They're good, at least.

Snag 4: Raiden screamed the whole time. That is all.

Still, it was a fun time, in theory and (more importantly) in memory. Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 22, 2012

In Which we go to Manila

Do you know where Manila is? Me either, and I've been there. Wait...Okay I checked a map. It's at the very northern part of eastern Utah, right inside Wyoming at the cut-out part of the Utah. To get there from Ogden, you drive into Wyoming, then out of Wyoming, and there you are.

Manila has one street, access to Flaming Gorge, three hotels, and (most importantly for our discussion here) one courthouse that is open once a month. Zane had a client who needed his services there, so we made a mini vacation out of it.

Zane called me up at about 3:30 and asked if I wanted to go on a trip to Manila. My first response, of course, was "no," and maybe even "hell, no!" if I were the swearing type. My reasons were these: I didn't want to. My day the next day was planned! Cleaning, going to Victoria's house. HOW COULD I CHANGE THESE PLANS, DAMMIT?

So, after being all reluctant, I put off the decision. Then I got used to the idea and remembered it would make Zane happy and I could be okay with not cleaning on Friday. So, we left at 6 and arrived at the swarming metropolis of Manila at about 9.

After Zane took 23 minutes (I timed it) to check in from a very thorough and friendly owner, we established ourselves in the swankiest hotel room in Manila. I know this doesn't sound like real praise, but this was a NICE place. It was a suite with super plush towels, soft bedspreads, and a sign that said "No gutting fish on property. $500 fine." Well, there are always spoilsports.

I made up a bed for Sasha on the floor, because I guarantee he would've fallen out of that very high bed. Raiden got the hideabed, and Sabrina got a queen-sized all to herself. So she curled up into a tiny ball and went to sleep.

The next day went as expected. Zane's "hour max" hearing went for three and I waited for him in the car, since the Manila park had three swings and a broken teeteer-totter and we had to leave our nice hotel room with Direct TV by 10, right when the hearing started. Still, it was a nice family outing to a place I've never been before. Anyone else want to go? (crickets)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Trianglation, Manipulation, and other Ations

Normally I don't do pissy posts. That's because a) mostly I write about my kids, and b) I don't want to make people mad. BUT I AM MAD, DARN IT! Phew.

So, here's the deal. She Who Shall Remain Nameless is a tattletale. She called my mother-in-law to tell tales on Zane. (See that? Triangulation.) MIL, for whatever reason, decides to call Zane up and yell at him without getting his side. Meanwhile, Zane and I are in the middle of an epic fight. We're in the not-talking-to-each-other stage, so he's free to have his ear chewed off. Nice night for him, right? Result? We did not see Spencer for almost two months.

Now, could Zane have been more of a grownup? Sure. He could have gone to Spencer's soccer games, which he did not. I wasn't sorry, since there are two a week, sometimes as far away as Lehi. It's really tough not having Zane around, and it's hard to drag three kids to the games, even the closer ones. But he should have gone.

Anyway, this had gone on long enough. We all knew how it would end, too. Spencer would come over and regular visitation would resume. The end. It was getting stupid. So I texted SWSRN and told her I would pick Spencer up at 5 today. Naturally (because she's a triangulater) She texts ZANE about this. Whatever.

So, I got to their house today. SWSRN's husband opened the door, and Spencer was right there, practically catapulting out to the car. Everything was fine, casual. Chat about school, soccer, whatevs.

Here's the icing: SWSRN has been pretending she's been all encouraging of Spencer to come here. Well, Sabrina and SWSRN's younger son play in the same soccer league. Until the blowup, Spencer came to their games. After, SWSRN wouldn't let him come! Spencer told Zane he wanted to come, but wasn't allowed! How do you like them apples?

Needless to say, I'm irritated. This is crap,and can't happen again. Next time, I'm playing dirty. Yeah yeah, when you roll in the mud you both get dirty and the pig likes it. It might be an interesting experience to be a jerk instead of hoping we can all get along. Because apparently? We can't.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Happy Birthday to Me!

Saturday was my birthday. I'm now old enough to be President! I guess that likely won't happen this year, but a vast write-in campaign...nah. I'm pretty busy this year with three (count 'em!) kids 4 and under. Still, it's nice to know it's possible.

I'm feeling more and more like a grownup. It's not always true. Sometimes it's hard to believe "mom" is ME. Sometimes I realize I need to be the grownup when dealing with my kids, because geez, I am the grownup. I can't cry when the 2-year-old screams at me, or ignore the crying at 3 am, or yell at the 4-year-old who makes more messes than she's willing to clean up by a 10,496 to 1 margin. Still, I have more and more confidence that I can deal with the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Still, sometimes I want to scream and yell. Raiden's so cute I'm usually not too tempted to ignore him at 3 am.

The birthday itself was nice. Sabrina had a soccer game, after which we ran a few errands and went to Mom's house. Zane had several presents for me, almost all bought at least a week ahead of time! Go Zane! He bought a hair drier for me the day of my birthday, which is nice since mine gave up the ghost, but he already had super sexy shoes (he's a good shoe buyer) and a kitchen scale so my bread loaves can be the same size. I'm bad at making stuff like that even. It won't be worth it for cookies, but will for bread.

Also, Facebook is awesome on your birthday! Everyone's like, oh hey, good time to reconnect! Happy birthday! Plus a bunch of nice emails from good friends...I love you all!

Birthdays. Good times.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Heck, Darn, Shoot, and other Swears

Remember my three angelic children, who sleep through the night? They are ALL MISSING!

Let's start with the most forgivable, the youngest, and work our way up, shall we? Raiden has just learned a new trick, rolling over from back to front. Weird, right? You'd think the other way would be easier, because you have your arms to push you. He's rolling over, getting stuck, getting his arms through his crib bars, smashing his face into a blanket fold, whatever. I've heard that when kids learn a new physical trick, their sleeping can be affected. They can get stuck in a sitting or standing position (HINT: use gravity) and not be able to get back to sleep. I'm hoping he'll be back to good sleep soon. He woke up three times last night.

Sasha woke up twice. He's a little sick with a cough, so he coughed out his binkie, couldn't find it, and cried, "Binkie. Biiiiinnnnnkkiiiieeeee. Binkieeeeee." Once Zane was up and found it, and the other time I had to turn on the light to find it under his bed. Sigh.

Next, Sabrina. She was only up once, but came into our room holding her pillow. I knew what she wanted. I pulled a blanket onto the floor, blindly searched in the linen closet for another one, and she slept on our floor for the rest of the night.

ZANE was up around four times. Now, I didn't have to find his blankie or anything, but every time he got up, I woke up. Especially since I was sleeping lightly anyway, with the kids' troubles. Why couldn't he have timed his desperate need for a drink with one of the kids getting up (more than once, anyway)? The mysteries moms want to know.

Overall, I was up three times between 11 and 2, then from about 3 until 4:30 I just dozed, since I was too certain I'd have to get up again soon to go back to sleep. And I was right! Then I slept until 8:45, thanks to everyone else having a restless night's sleep as well, plus Zane getting up around 8:30. I have one thing to say about that: Thank goodness I didn't have to get up at 6:00 to teach school! I'm sure my prospective students would agree with me.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Drinking Game

I don't drink. That is, I drink milk, water, and the occasional root beer. Not alcohol. However, I thought it would be fun to create a drinking game for the foreign policy Presidential debates. Take a drink if... Romney says: Libya, nuclear, Chavez, China. Obama says: Osama bin Laden, Afghanistan, Osama bin Laden. Either that, or create your own Bingo card! Winner gets to choose a red or blue cup from 7-11!