Halloween Fun

So, at first I just figured that I wouldn't dress Sabrina up for Halloween. Really, spend all that money on a 3-month-old? Then I thought, "How am I going to take cute pictures of her to post on my blog if I don't get her a costume?" So Cheri said I could borrow her pumpkin costume, because Benn says all babies are pumpkins. Problem: I procrastinated getting the costume, and Benn and Cheri are moving, so their house is in a state of barely-controlled chaos. And they don't know where the Pumpkin is, Charlie Brown. So, after three stores and no infant costumes, I give up. There ARE limits. Then, I find the solution. My own striped dress and hat! So, depending on your point of view, Sabrina is Raggedy Ann, Mommy, or Seventies Babe. Hooray! Cute pictures for the blog! And here they are.

Dinnertime

Sabrina is a big fan of eating herself. Specifically, she loves her hands. You know, if you're hungry, baby, I can do something about that. Yesterday, her 3-year-old cousin Ivie kept telling her "don't eat that!" Seriously.

Hi-ho

Sabrina! Stop punching Daddy!
Last week, my first back at work, was actually really fun. I trust my babysitters completely, and I'm only gone for 5-6 hours, so not all day. But Monday I got up and thought "Again!?!" The novelty had worn off, but I still had to leave the Tiny One and go to work. It wasn't as fun and exciting this week.

Sabrina continues to do well on her babysitter routine. I have to say, it isn't all that easy on me, but I still don't really have too much trauma. Yet. Unfortunately, though, Sabrina has been a bit congested, so she's been a little grumpy (bad for the babysitters) and has been snoring really loud sometimes (amusing for the babysitters).

When I get home with Tiny, I feel like "Okay, I'm ready for some good quality time with my daughter!" She, however, is just a baby. What is quality time with a baby? Nursing? Check. Holding? Check. Chess? Not so much. Helping with homework? Another no. Soccer practice? Do they make balls that small? Seriously, quality time with babies feels pretty much like ANY time with babies. You know, feed, burp, change. It makes me feel cheated, somehow.

Parting: sweet sorrow?

Yesterday was my first day back at work. Sabrina was still fighting the bottle, which was the ONLY reason I was teary Sunday night. I took Sabrina to Kelli, Cheri's sister, and tore myself away. I didn't cry or panic, but the amount of adrenaline in my system meant I was driving about 80 the entire way to Salt Lake. Thank goodness the cops were busy catching criminals.

School was actually really fun. When I went in to visit the school a few weeks ago, everyone was happy and excited to see me. Except my students. They were scared. Poor dears, they were nervous about getting a new teacher halfway through the first term. My students are still terrified of me, which is unusual. Usually by this time of the year they know I'm joking when I threaten to dismember them. I guess there are advantages starting teaching in October. It's hard, though, to get a class that is used to different rules and a different style. Not only do I have to train them in my style, I have to untrain them first.

When I got back to Sabrina (you thought I was too busy talking about myself to get back to my babe, didn't you?), Kelli was smiling. What is better than your babysitter smiling? Sabrina had taken 3 ounces and slept for about 2 hours. Good. Today, she took 8 ounces and slept 3 hours. Awesome! She's learning the bottle and is happy even when I'm not around. Curse it. In all seriousness, though, everything is going great!

Here's a picture of Sabrina with Olivia, Jamie's daughter. She obviously knows what to do with babies! And check out the outfit of Sabrina's. Dad brought her the shirt from the US Open.

Is this what ambivalance feels like?

Since I'm about to go back to work, I've been trying to convince Sabrina that taking a bottle is a good idea. Teenager that she is, she would have none of it. Obviously, stress for me. Will she starve while I'm at work? Will she scream and make her sitters crazy? My baby! Well, right now she is sucking down her first bottle ever. After the initial relief, I wanted to yank that no-good fake mommy right out of her mouth and put the real thing in it. I mean, it was flattering when she said, "No, I want my mommy to feed me! Only my mommy! Get this yucky not-mommy OUT OF MY MOUTH!!" Oh what a tangled web we weave/when first we try to give our children independence.

I'm really excited to start teaching again. We are doing 20th century this year, which is an awesome curriculum. World wars, Holocaust, civil rights, Viet Nam...Really interesting stuff. On the other hand, if I'm with 7th and 8th graders, I'm not with Sabrina. I had a terrible dream the other night that she was kidnapped by Sylar (the evil, creepy villain from Heroes). Gah! Talk about worrying that I won't be with Tiny! Geez. My subconscious has a macabre sense of humor!

Oh, and Zane remembered the ice cream cake. He pretended that the freezer at Baskin Robbins was broken, but he really delivered it to his brother Lance, who took it to roller hockey so we all could enjoy it. Good Zane.

Individualality

As Elli has been...um...expressing her autonomy lately, I've been thinking abouot how children don't think of themselves as a separate being from their mothers until they are about two (hence the tantrums and "I'll do it mySELF"). However, I've discovered it goes both ways. I don't think of Sabrina as a being separate from me either. I don't mean that in a creepy, she-is-my-daughter-and-therefore-a-clone-of-me-through-whom-I-can-live-vicariously way. I mean, if she's awake I'm awake, if she's hungry we sit together untiol she's done, if she's crying everyone expects me to know why. It's weird, but in a lot of ways she just feels like an extension of me. The Tyrant in the Nursery.

In related news, it's my birthday tomorrow, and I don't really care. I mean, it's like now that I'm a mom, I am less important to myself. It's probably something about selfless love or a genetic predisposition to care for one's offspring. Of course, this news should not be construed by my husband that he is allowed to forget my ice cream cake.

How big is 0-3 months anyway?

Now, I really, reeeeealy shouldn't jinx it, but Sabrina has been sleeping great lately. The past two nights she slept from 8-2, and then slept another 3-4 hours. Amazing! She was SOOOOO cute this morning. Amazingly, she's much cuter after she gets a good night's sleep. Or, to be honest, after I get a good night's sleep.

Today I dressed Sabrina is an almost-too-small onsie (0-3 months) and a to-be-honest-too-big pair of jeans (0-3 months). She's wearing a tight shirt and baggy jeans. She's a teenager already. And, in this picture, she's showing off her midriff. Brittney Spears, move over.

Workin' hard or hardly workin'?

Hey, you! (I don't know why she's sideways. Just accept.)


Sabrina and I went in to Zane's office to get some accounting done today. Sabrina was not pleased. I managed to get in about two hours, but between fusses, screams, poopy diapers, and a refusal to nap, I probably got about 45 actual minutes of work done. Sigh. On the brighter side, I went to check on her during a rare quiet spell, and she was batting at her car seat toys. Success! Then she started yelling at me again. Well, we're home now, and we've got our swing back, so we're better now.

I've been reading the Twilight series again. Don't judge me. On Stephenie Meyer's website she has the first part of Midnight Sun, which is Twilight from Edward's point of view. I wish I had a vampire. On the bright side, though, with a baby instead of a vampire I get marginally more sleep!