Friday, April 3, 2015

Cancer Birthday

This week is my cancer birthday. I'm two years out from diagnosis. I was talking to Mom about it last night, and she was saying this was a hard anniversary because you're done with treatment and FEEL far out, but you're still a long way from the "safety" of five years. I was having a really hard time a week or so ago. I think part of it was this anniversary, combined with that talk I gave at USU. Both of these things caused me to have to think about the whole cancer thing.

My "scary thoughts" usually come every month or so and last a few hours at most. However, I was on about day three of scary thoughts and couldn't take much more. I was using all my tricks -- ignore, repress, face, pray -- and nothing was working. Fortunately, this was all happening right before fast Sunday. I know you CAN fast without it being the first Sunday of the month, but it just doesn't really occur to me. But since fast Sunday coincided with these scary thoughts, I fasted for peace.

Wow. Fasting really works! I cannot believe the serenity I've been feeling this week. It's been Spring Break, as was my Week From Hell 2013. Last Spring Break I had just had my second mastectomy. This Spring Break could have been very stressful, but it wasn't. Thank you, Father. I'll remember that next time I'm stressed or unhappy, and maybe even fast without the expectation of Fast Sunday.

1 comment:

Kathleen Bagley said...

Molly, you are so Good, with a capital G. The conference talk of President Eyring's about fasting gave me new thoughts on the subject, too; that it is how we bind up the broken hearts and minister to the needy. Somehow, I had never really made that connection. That and the talk that said that awe and wonder are fragile. So much to ponder!! Love you so much despite my not ever seeing the gingerbread man in Chile and sending a postcard (yes, I'm cleaning out my email and feel guilty) Sorry.