Happy Birthday Tiny!

Sabrina is 8 today! She is a beautiful girl with a seriously sweet soul. She wants to make sure everyone is happy, but not in a way that makes me worried about her being a people-pleaser. She just wants people to feel good and comfortable. I love her so much!

Sadly, when we were swimming today she put her hand around the swimming slide and she was going down it and sliced a big chunk of skin off her finger. Ow! There was much blood and MUCH crying, along with some wailing. Grandpa Froerer was a champ, getting a rag and putting a Neosporin-ed bandaid on her poor finger. He's gotten better with blood since he started getting poked so much! I wonder if he's better with his OWN blood, since that was really his issue!

Tomorrow is Sabrina's baptism. It's very stressful to plan a baptism, but Sabrina is beautiful, so that helps. Oh, you need proof? Here you go.

I mean, right?

On another note, Raiden has been really into scripts lately. He'll tell me exactly what to say. He also remembers videos like you wouldn't believe. Today, he said, "Mom, tell me I'm a pipsqueak." So, of course, I did. The 4-year-old wears the pants in THIS family. Anyway, then he said a quote from Avatar (the awesome cartoon), "Who you callin' a pipsqueak, you giant-eared cretin!" You have not lived until you've been called a giant-eared cretin by a child!

Climb Kili

I am getting so excited for my Kilimanjaro trip! Our itinerary, should you be interested, is here. I'm getting butterflies!

One thing that I can't decide if I like or not is that I leave the day after school ends. On one hand, I don't have to sit around waiting for the trip after school ends. On the other, I will have ZERO time to adjust to being done with school before I go halfway around the world. Also, my kids will not have any time to adjust. They'll keep going to daycare for a couple of weeks, and they'll get to have field trips and fun playing time with friends. They might actually like it better.

Speaking of playdates, Sasha just had kindergarten round up. I've been thinking for MONTHS that I need to get Sasha's birth certificate (five years late) but the day before kindergarten round up OH MY GOSH I HAVE TO GET SASHA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE WHAT WAS I THINKING WHY DIDN'T I GET IT FIVE YEARS AGO. But not all was lost: I had the opportunity to get Raiden's birth certificate as well. Almost four years late. The important thing is that I have them now, right?

I talked to the speech therapist about Sasha's Rs. I know they say not to worry, but since Sasha's mother, uncle, and grandfather all had speech therapy, I think now is as good a time as any, amirite? She told me to have him say words that start with RA (apparently this is the easiest R) and to smile as he says it. Sasha said a perfect R. I am a genius! Oops, I mean the speech pathologist is a genius! Hooray!

So many milestones for us!

3 years

It's been three years since my cancer diagnosis. The next spring break I had surgery. The next spring break...well, it proved that spring breaks did not have to rival Bella-from-Twighlight's spring breaks in horribleness. Of course, being a stay at home mom is its own brand of torture. Let me go break up a fight.

I'm back. So, three years. Everything...oops, another fight. Okay. Everything CANCER RELATED looks good. My "scary thoughts" are rare and short-lived. My hair is shoulder length. With my clothes on, you'd never know.

On the other hand, my father-in-law was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer a few months ago. It's been bonding, I guess, but it's been hard on me (I know, his cancer is about HIM, but this blog is about ME) to think about cancer so intimately again. It's also been really hard on Zane, since he had to go through it once with me, and now with his dad.

On the third hand, cancer patients get all the cool stuff, as Zane says. I've been offered a grant by Ogden Regional Medical Center to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro! I found out, oh, three months before the trip and it's now two months to go. Mom is going with me. I'm super excited! I think I'm going to be featured in some publicity. Some of my 15 minutes, I guess!

Anyway, more than halfway done to my 5-year mark!

Potty Training

Raiden is 3 1/2 this week, so I decided it's really time to stop being reluctant and potty train him. He's pretty good at knowing how to go, but sometimes if he needs to go, well, he just goes. We've gone through a lot of underpants this way.

Anyway, I was trying to encourage him to wear underpants today, and he didn't want to. So I asked him if he wanted to be like a baby and wear a diaper or be like a big boy and wear underpants. After thinking about it for a minute, he said, "Be like a big boy wearing a diaper." Ha! I was able to convince him to wear the underpants. I think it was his pleasure at his wittiness that put him in a good mood!

Raiden's Third

I'm a little late, but Raiden turned 3 just a few weeks ago. Here's what he's up to these days.

His talking is great. He told me he loved candy because it is dewishous. Sometimes he likes to yell, "I love my butt and I won't shut up!"

Unfortunately, Raiden still has an oral fixation. I don't mind that he sucks on his fingers because that's dang cute, but I HATE that he is a biter. Almost worse? At church he leaned over and LICKED my face from chin to eyebrow. Gross, gross, gross.

Raiden is a snuggler. One of his most common questions is, "Mom, can I hold you?" Aw. Then he collects his big blanky and duck blanky and sits on my lap, sucking his fingers. So precious.

He's also really into the toddler tendency of collecting things. I find his caches of "stuff" all over. He had about six toys in his car seat and threw a fit at the thought of putting some of them on the floor. When he dropped one of them it didn't matter that he still had two cars and a million other toys, he needed the car that fell. Fortunately, Sasha said, "Mom, when the car stops should I find it?" Thank you, oldest son.

Although Raiden can be wanpaku (Japanese for a wild one), he is the sweetest little boy. He is tender with our pets, gentle and affectionate with his two baby cousins, and loves to play with Sasha and Sabrina. I love you baby boy!

First Broken Bone: It wasn't Raiden

Yesterday, the first day of summer vacation, Sabrina and Sasha were happily playing on Sasha's bunk bed. They opened the window. Sasha leaned against the screen. Sasha fell out the window, into the window well. It was actually pretty hilarious, except that he broke his arm.

Now, he didn't have any nasty stuff like a bone sticking through his skin or anything. No, it was just a little buckle fracture, probably caused by trying to catch himself, which means he doesn't have a cast. The doctor at the clinic just put a splint on the arm, told us not to take it off for four weeks except for bathing, and seeya for an x-ray in two weeks.

Sasha actually thinks the splint is pretty cool, and is excited to show it off. He can't really open a door or get dressed, but hey, he's only 4. He can still eat and play on my phone just fine, so he's good. He's not in much pain either. So, it looks like if one of my kids HAS to have a broken arm, this is a very nice one.

The only surprising thing that both my mom and Zane mentioned was that our first broken bone wasn't Raiden's. I see their point.

Cancer Birthday

This week is my cancer birthday. I'm two years out from diagnosis. I was talking to Mom about it last night, and she was saying this was a hard anniversary because you're done with treatment and FEEL far out, but you're still a long way from the "safety" of five years. I was having a really hard time a week or so ago. I think part of it was this anniversary, combined with that talk I gave at USU. Both of these things caused me to have to think about the whole cancer thing.

My "scary thoughts" usually come every month or so and last a few hours at most. However, I was on about day three of scary thoughts and couldn't take much more. I was using all my tricks -- ignore, repress, face, pray -- and nothing was working. Fortunately, this was all happening right before fast Sunday. I know you CAN fast without it being the first Sunday of the month, but it just doesn't really occur to me. But since fast Sunday coincided with these scary thoughts, I fasted for peace.

Wow. Fasting really works! I cannot believe the serenity I've been feeling this week. It's been Spring Break, as was my Week From Hell 2013. Last Spring Break I had just had my second mastectomy. This Spring Break could have been very stressful, but it wasn't. Thank you, Father. I'll remember that next time I'm stressed or unhappy, and maybe even fast without the expectation of Fast Sunday.

Update

I know it's been a long time since I've updated my blog, but I do keep THINKING about my blog. About what I should say, cute things the kids do. Then I forget what they do and what I should write about. What a loss!

Anyway, there aren't any really big things to talk about. This morning, Raiden was OOOOO-ooooing. Then he said, "Mom, I sing 'Radioactive.'" Ha! Then Sasha got in on it, then Sabrina. (Btw, "Radioactive" is a song. If you listen to it, you'll understand the OOOOOO-ooooo part. Also, Raiden's favorite word is "no." 'Cause he's 2.

Sasha can read. It's crazy. His preschool teacher told me he was brilliant. Oh thanks, I said. No really. He can read. Oh sure. Well, he sure can! He can sound out words, and not just "cat." He sounded out "grassland" the other day. I think we'll put him in a kindergarten prep class, and then he'll go to kindergarten the next year. He definitely needs the extra year to grow up a little, but he'll also be the smart kid.

Sasha is also playing indoor soccer. He's a little ADD, so sometimes he spends time making sure the walls go all the way around the indoor field. They do. Today he must have been worried that the walls would fall down since he spent the last 10 minutes holding them up. Still, he's the youngest person on the field and today he dribbled and even did a little trick. So. There's that. Also, he's adorable.

Sabrina is doing great in school and was so excited to start reading chapter books. She's not very fast yet, but she's getting very confident in her reading. I can't believe she's seven weeks away from being done with first grade! Little T-bone. It's hilarious to hear her explain things like capitalization or have her ask, "What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!" I've hear that about ten times in the last week.

Mom and I gave a talk at USU last Monday. It was largely populated with frat boys and their sorority girlfriends, so they were extremely polite but also not super into giving up their Monday night to a cancer talk. Oh well. It was fun anyway, and I got candy from the Bluebird and a USU mug. Score!

I'll try to keep you updated!

In Which We Save a Cat

We've been noticing some very small kittens near an empty house in our neighborhood. Being the kind souls we are, Spencer went to try to get the cats to see if they were okay. Yesterday, he came home with one of them. He handed it to me, it gave a weak mew, and then basically went unconscious. I thought it had died. However, after a few hours in front of the fire and a few droppersful of water, Lucky revived. It is now lying in front of the fire (again), having used the litter box a few times and eaten our cat food. Our other cat, Achilles, is not impressed.

We (mostly Spencer) have been over to try to get the other cat (which we have preemptively named Hobbes), but it's faster and less almost-dead. Also, it doesn't want to be caught. Have you ever tried to catch a cat that does not wish to be caught? Not easy. So we've left food and water, and maybe Hobbes will survive. Lucky seems to be doing great, though.

I'm not sure about Lucky's future, but she's making herself at home for now!

Six-Word Biographies

Over Christmas, Mom wrote six-word biographies for each person in the family. Here they are, preserved for posterity.

Raiden: Run, jump, roar, careen, spill. Repeat.
Zane says the only problem with this characterization is that there are spaces between the words.

Sasha: Don't want to snuggle! Make me.
Sashimi is a sweet, loving boy who also throws some pretty good 4-year-old tantrums. But when those tantrums are winding down, he needs very little urging to snuggle for a long time.

Sabrina: I love everybody. Everybody loves me.
True.

Spencer: Oldest of 4. Twice. Great expectations.
Can you believe Spencer, an only child until he was 7, now has five brothers and a sister? Maybe instead of "Great expectations" it should be "Great responsibilities."

Molly: Except in soccer, comports herself well.
This statement comes from when I had to get a c-section with Sasha. The anesthesiologist told me I "comported myself well" in the process. I would argue, however, that "comporting oneself well" in soccer involves a certain amount of...aggression.

Zane: Oldest of eight. Lawyer. Debate, anyone?
Really, what more is there to say?

Embarrassing Cliches

The truth is, I hate cliches. I mean, I hate BEING one. But I couldn't help it today. This morning, the day before Thanksgiving, here is what was in my shopping cart.

6 boxes of stuffing
3 gallons of milk (this is a near-weekly buy for our family)
1 quart cream
1 can pumpkin
1 pie plate
parchment paper

Can you tell what I am doing today? And what I am making for Thanksgiving dinner? Ugh. Cliche.

Thanksgiving Program

Sabrina had her first grade Thanksgiving program today. Of course, it was at 10 am. Why? I mean, everyone that could make it at 10 could also make it at 2:30, which is when MY school gets out. Instead, I had to throw myself on the mercy of two different teachers to watch my class during part of their prep, and my principal who kindly allowed me to go to the program. That's kind of the teacher equivalent of uphill-both-ways-in-the-snow. Still.

The program was totally worth it, however. Sabrina sat next to her cousin Star. The little girls were wearing paper pilgrim hats and collars, and the boys had Indian headbands with feathers. Sabrina promised me I would laugh so hard I would ROLL ON THE FLOOR and that I would CRY. Well, the floor is dirty in an elementary school gym, but I confess to laughing pretty dang hard. I didn't cry, but the "Go my son" song was really sweet. If I can figure out how to upload my videos from my camera I'll give you that song. It's Sabrina's favorite.

I'm so glad I work close enough to get to these things even though I'm working!

Random Update

I know it's been a long while since I posted. Instead of trying to catch up, here are a bunch of random thoughts.

Sasha, at school, has been learning about Native Americans. You know, with Thanksgiving and stuff. His Indian name is "Strong Buffalo." Seems appropriate. I think Raiden's should be "Screaming Badger."

Sabrina is doing great at school. She has really had a leap in her reading ability, and just recently a leap in her math ability. It's so great to see her truly learning!

I'm 37. Zane is 40. I remember when Dad turned 40 someone at our family reunion gave him a shirt that said, "40 isn't old...for a tree." I was 10. I thought it was mean. It's funnier now.

I'm coaching NAL. We've won one game. Hooray! We won a game!

My 7th graders are fantastic. They all passed English 1st term! Seriously amazing. I'm not convinced that will be the case this term, but we can hope. C'mon 7th graders!

Mom hired cleaners for me. Everyone I tell is SO jealous. And rightfully so. What's a better gift for a daughter than cleaners? I can answer that. There is nothing. Nothing.

I'm going to try to be better about blogging. Starting now!

Family Party!

On Saturday I went to a fabulous family party, in which I was reminded what awesome genes I share with other people. First, I crashed Allie's house at 11:30 with a I'm-out-of-Lexapro incident. She saved me with a telephone and car phone charger. Phew! Then it was back to Allie's at 5:00. This time I didn't break into her house in desperation, but instead waited for the greeting party of my mom and auntie.

It was so great to see my fabulous cousins! I haven't seen Annie for a really long time. It's also been awhile since I saw Julianne. Last time I saw her she was bald. Now she has 1/4 inch (or so) of hair! That's a great feeling. I remember when the first tiny little fine baby hairs came in. I stood at the bathroom counter and petted myself and wept. The end of the trial was in sight. Soon I wouldn't be that lady with cancer, but instead that chic lady with the short hair. Honestly, though, I think Ju pulls off the supershort hair better than I did.

Although Sasha had to stay home because he was sick, Sabrina and Raiden had a great time playing with cousins. Raiden, the youngest that wasn't a baby, managed to make both Owen (age 4) and Bennett (age 3) cry. He's a monster! His favorite game is "wrestle," combined with "roar like a dinosaur." For some reason, the other boys cried when confronted with a tiny body that wasn't afraid to take 'em down. I think it helped (Raiden!) that his head is on the level of the other boys' jaws, so when they bonked heads it was the thick part of Raiden's skull. Sorry, family.

Anyway, it was lovely to see all my family! We should do it more often than every two years.

Nightmares

A few nights ago, Raiden woke up crying. Zane went in to take care of him, and I could hear him (Raiden, that is) saying, "Bottle. In garbage." Zane said, "Did someone throw your bottle in the garbage?" "Yeah." "It's okay, your bottle isn't in the garbage."

That night, I dreamed I had a class of about forty students, and they were all talking at once. And there was nothing I could do. They REFUSED to be quiet. I shouted, I asked nicely, I waited for them to be quiet...nothing.

Can we say whose dream was worse? I guess they were equally bad, but age-appropriate!

Random Update

It's been awhile since I updated, I know, but I've been busy. Also, my computer won't charge anymore, so I'm updating from school during my prep. Because I need a break from all that correcting. Woe is me.

A very exciting thing happened the other day. Sabrina has been riding her bike with training wheels since she got it in December, but training wheels are just a drag on the bike. She couldn't get going up hills, couldn't go very fast (she did NOT complain about that!), and was generally frustrated with riding anytime it wasn't flat or downhill. I told Zane to take off her training wheels. She cried. And begged. That's why Daddy has to take off the training wheels! Zane came in saying he just left her outside and told her to TRY riding the bike. Just then, I pointed outside. "Is that her?!? The one pedaling down the street?" It sure was! Now she luuurves riding her bike and was disappointed when I accidentally left it at Grandma's house.

Sasha is loving preschool. When I go to pick him up he regularly says, "Can I stay a little longer?" No! Let's go home! Don't you love me? It's great to see him learning his letters and having great little friendships. He can always find a friend at the park. Sasha has also taken to explaining to me that he is so big now, he is five. I've tried explaining that he turns FOUR in a couple weeks, but it doesn't seem to take.

Raiden is also going through an adorable phase right now. He likes to mimic what others say. We regularly get in fights that go like this: "You're cute!" "No, you're cute!" "No, you're cute!" These fights can last for many, many iterations. We also do "You're a ding-dong!" and "You're a silly goose!" Then we laugh and laugh.

So things are basically going great. I'm loving school and Zane is loving being at home with the kids. We're hoping he will have enough collections and evictions to do those primarily, with just a few other cases per year. Prayers for such an outcome are petitioned! I'm so happy right now to be done with treatment and have my kids adjusting to a new school year. I am really so lucky.

End of Summer

Summer ends for me on Friday. That's my first day back at school. Monday and Tuesday are teacher work days, with kids coming back on Wednesday. With that in mind, here's what stands out from my summer.

1. Camping. Zane accuses me of a bait-and-switch with regards to camping. He claims I said I loved camping when we were dating, but then never wanted to go. Here's the deal: I am sure I never said I loved camping, and even if I did, it can easily be explained away by dating insanity, which is different from lying. Then we got married. Then I was pregnant, had a newborn, pregnant, had a newborn, pregnant, had a newborn, had cancer. So we didn't really have a good time to go camping until this summer. We went to Goblin Valley and to Zane's family reunion. Now I can happily not go camping for a few...okay, fine, I'll do it again next summer. If I have to.

2. Having really cute kids. I love two-year-olds when they're not throwing tantrums. I love how Raiden runs, his little words, and the excitement in his eyes when I understand what he says ("Donut? You want a donut?" "Yes!") Sasha is getting so big and self-sufficient. He dresses himself with shoes on the wrong feet only about 50% of the time and can help a lot with cleaning up once he stops pouting. Sabrina is getting so big. I can't believe she's a little martial arts student and will be testing for her yellow belt on Friday. Although she occasionally torments her brothers, they also cry when they can't be with her. She's always planning games for everyone to play.

3. Being done with treatment. I've been looking forward to the end of this summer since I was diagnosed. When I charted out my treatments, I knew by the time school started in 2014 I'd be done with Herceptin, be reconstructed, and have hair. Check, check, and check. It's been tough to get back on any type of routine this past week since school is starting soon, but I think I'm getting used to my new non-cancerous, perky life. It's actually pretty paradigm-shifting to be done with treatment. My life has largely revolved around treatment for the past 15 months, so being done is weird. Good weird, but still weird.

So that's it. I'm back to work in three days, and my legacy of the summer is camping, cute kids, and being done with treatment. Not bad, but next summer look for the post titled "Molly accomplishes world peace through Being Fabulous."

Ogden Temple Open House

Finally, after many long and difficult years of having to drive to BOUNTIFUL to go to the temple, the Ogden temple is about to open. Today was the first day of the open house, and I volunteered to help out. I was assigned to "disability services" which meant pushing wheelchairs. Now, I probably wasn't supposed to do that, what with only two weeks since my reconstruction and all, but it was totally the best assignment. Other people put booties on patrons, pushed elevator buttons, or pointed with a smile. I got to go through the temple with cute old ladies! Also, there were a few places where the wheelchair route diverged from the cattle corral, so we could spend as much time as we wanted looking at the floor, mirrors, stained glass, paintings, or whatever. It was great.

When I didn't have a patron needing help, I fluffed booties. Whatever you're thinking, it's probably not that. The little plastic booties that everyone has to wear in the temple for the open house came in packs of 10 -- nine booties inside another one. In order to expedite the process of getting them on 2000 people an hour, we volunteers would take the nine booties out of the tenth and fluff it up, as it had been vacuum packed or something. Since they need 4000 an hour, it's an ongoing job.

One of the other volunteers had clearly had a boob job. In looking at her, I noticed that her breasts looked unrealistically perky for a 60-something woman. Then I realized, Hey! MY boobs are unrealistically perky for a 36-year-old breastfeeder of three! Awesome. May that be the most lasting physical effect of the past year and four months.

Oh, and incidentally? Today is my first day of not having Herceptin. That is, it's been three weeks since my last dose of Herceptin. Yay for me!

Happy Birthday T-Bone

About five years ago, my cousin Emily said something about Sabrina to her husband. He was confused. "Who?" he asked. That's because for the first year or so of her life, we called Sabrina "Tiny" or "T-Bone" because she had tiny bones. Well, that tiny girl is now six years old!

This past year has sucked for me on all kinds of levels. Sabrina is not one of them. She fights with her brothers, yes, and cries when she doesn't want something or wants something she can't have. But she is tender and sweet, and loves fiercely. She hugs me when I'm sad, protects me from the enthusiastic excesses of her brothers when I'm recovering from surgery (all too common!), and bands with her brothers when they are challenged by any outsider. Sabrina is learning to read and is sometimes giddy with her newfound skill, nascent though it is. She loves her friends and can always be found in the middle of the big group of kids.

Sabrina starts first grade in three weeks. I know she will be loved by her teacher because she wants to be good and do well. She will be loved by her friends because she loves them. (Although as the oldest child of two oldest children she comes honestly by a certain amount of bossiness!) And she is loved by me because she is my precious girl, my Squanto Oglethorpe, my Tiny Bones. Happy birthday baby girl.

Surgery Update

Content Alert: I talk about my breasts in this entry. You have been warned!

I'm home from reconstruction. Expanders out, implants in. The pain here is really not bad, as they basically just opened up the previous incisions and swapped out basically the same size fillers. The left side is really fine. The right side is where the cancer was and therefore has been radiated, so they needed to do what is called a latissimus flap. That is, they made an incision along my back of about five inches and pulled the muscle over to my right side so the reconstruction would have good blood supply. Apparently, due to the radiation damage to the skin and tissue, there's about a 50% complication rate if you don't do that flap. I don't have time for complications. School starts in less than four weeks. I need to be healed, danggit!

Anyway, I'm home with food from the Relief Society, help from my mom, and babysitting from all. Oh, and Percocet. What more could I possibly need?